How to Give Praise to Students: 4 Proven Techniques Every Parent Needs to Know

When it comes to gifted and neurodivergent children, every word of encouragement matters.

But did you know that the type of feedback you give can shape not only their performance but also their persistence and mindset?

Take this common scenario: A parent proudly tells their young child, "You're so smart." Fast forward a few years, and that same parent is now grappling with a pre-teen who refuses to do their homework—avoiding challenges and missing out on opportunities to push their limits. It’s frustrating because they know their child is capable, but the feedback they gave early on may have unintentionally shaped a fixed mindset.

Research shows that effort-based praise fuels achievement, while ability-based praise can boost resilience. At the same time, the wrong kind of feedback might inadvertently lead to a fixed mindset—stifling their ability to appreciate hard work (Greene, 2014; “You Are So Smart!”, 2014).

Understanding how to give praise to students is essential for fostering resilience and encouraging a growth mindset. In this blog, we’ll explore four key types of feedback: effort-based, ability-based, process-oriented, and person-oriented. You’ll learn the benefits, drawbacks, and how to strike the perfect balance when supporting your child’s unique journey.

1. Effort-Based Feedback

Effort-based feedback focuses on acknowledging the work, strategies, or persistence a child puts into a task. It’s all about praising how they do something rather than the end result.

Benefits:
Effort-based feedback is a powerhouse for fostering resilience. It teaches children that success stems from hard work and trying new approaches, reinforcing a growth mindset. When gifted and neurodivergent children realize their effort matters, they’re more likely to tackle challenges head-on.

Drawbacks:
However, this feedback can lose its impact if used excessively or insincerely. Saying “Good job” to everything might feel hollow over time, so it’s important to be specific.

Example:
Instead of “You’re great at this!” try: “I’m impressed by how many strategies you tried to solve that problem. It shows you didn’t give up.”

2. Ability-Based Feedback

Ability-based feedback emphasizes innate skill or intelligence. Parents often use it to instill confidence by highlighting what a child excels at naturally.

Benefits:
This type of feedback can be a strong motivator, especially for tasks where children know their abilities shine. It may increase persistence in areas they feel confident about and boost short-term self-esteem (Greene, 2014).

Drawbacks:
Over time, though, ability-based feedback risks fostering a fixed mindset. Children may start to equate their value with their ability, fearing failure in areas where they’re not naturally skilled. For gifted children, this fear can lead to avoiding challenges entirely.

Example:
Instead of “You’re so smart,” try: “You have a great talent for recognizing patterns. It’s amazing to watch you use that skill!”

3. Process-Oriented Feedback

Process-oriented feedback shifts the focus to the strategies and learning processes that led to an outcome. It’s a refined approach that helps children understand how they’re learning and growing.

Benefits:
This type of feedback encourages critical thinking and adaptability. When parents highlight strategies or learning progress, children internalize that success isn’t just about being “gifted” but about the effort and thought put into their work. This is especially helpful for neurodivergent students, as it emphasizes their ability to problem-solve in unique ways (“You Are So Smart!”, 2014).

Drawbacks:
The main challenge here is for parents to observe closely and provide meaningful, specific feedback. It requires more effort than generic praise but is well worth the results.

Example:
Instead of “Great essay,” try: “The way you organized your ideas in this essay really helps make your argument clear. Your transitions are so strong!”

4. Person-Oriented Feedback

Person-oriented feedback focuses on the child’s inherent traits, such as calling them “smart” or “talented.” It’s often used to provide quick confidence boosts.

Benefits:
In the moment, this feedback can give children a sense of pride in their abilities. Parents often use it as a way to celebrate their child’s unique gifts.

Drawbacks:
Unfortunately, research shows that person-oriented feedback is closely tied to fixed mindsets. When children hear “You’re so smart,” they might begin to believe their worth is tied to their intelligence. This can make them hesitant to try tasks where success isn’t guaranteed, as they fear losing their identity as the “smart kid” (“You Are So Smart!”, 2014).

Example:
Instead of “You’re amazing at math!” try: “I can see how much thought you put into solving that math problem. That’s fantastic effort!”

Final Thoughts

The way we speak to gifted and neurodivergent children has lasting effects on their confidence, mindset, and willingness to tackle challenges. By using effort-based and process-oriented feedback, parents can foster resilience and a love for learning.

Good praise takes effort. Spending time with your learner—engaging in conversations, activities, and careful observation—makes it easier to give detailed praise that shows you truly see and value them. When children feel seen and understood, they’re more likely to internalize positive feedback and apply it meaningfully to their growth.

It’s also important to note that praise should not be treated as a one-and-done activity, nor should it be used excessively. If a parent initiates a "praise crusade," giving praise whenever possible but unable to maintain the frequency, research suggests that the resulting decrease in praise may correlate with a drop in intrinsic motivation. Consistency and balance are key to ensuring that praise supports rather than undermines your child’s motivation.

Understanding how to give praise to students thoughtfully and effectively can make all the difference in their academic and personal development. Remember: A mix of these feedback styles—used thoughtfully and intentionally—can help your child thrive both academically and emotionally.

Want to learn more about supporting your gifted or neurodivergent child? Explore our resources, sign up for our newsletter, or reach out with your questions. Together, we can help your child embrace challenges and succeed in their unique journey.

References

• Greene, A. (2014). The effect of ability-based versus effort-based praise on task performance, task persistence, and internal factors in children identified as gifted and talented in mathematics. [Journal/Publication details].

• “You Are So Smart!” (2014). The role of giftedness, parental feedback, and parents’ mindset in predicting students’ mindsets. [Journal/Publication details].